“I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.”
— Bartrand Hubbard
“I’ve always felt sorry for Jesus ’cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.”
— Gilbert Gottfried
“It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.”
— Johann Schiller
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
— Elizabeth Stone
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'”
— Jerry Lewis
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”
— Mark Twain
“When I was 18, I thought I was in love. First time — you know that magic feeling. So, I asked my father. I said, ‘Dad is love real?’ And he said, ‘No. But herpes is, so watch your ass.'”
— Greg Fitzsimmons
“Every commercial goes after the father. It’s like, ‘America Online is so easy, even Dad can use it.’ You mean the guy who bought you the f**king computer?”
— Nick Di Paolo
“A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.”
— Marlene Dietrich
“My father calls me up, he says, ‘If you need cash, make a collect call from Hugh Broke. That way I’ll wire you the money, but I won’t have to pay for the long-distance phone call.’ So, whatever, I followed his instructions. I made a collect call from Hugh Broke. Minute later, my phone rings: ‘We have a person-to-person call for Mr. Hugh Broke from Mr. Rob Bank.'”
— Hugh Fink
“Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
— Ruth E. Renkel
“The best kind of father raises you by good example; the second-best tells you where to read about good examples; the worst writes you from jail for money.”
— A. Delton Fisk
“Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.”
— Sam Ewing
“My wife told me today that I’m gonna become a father for the very first time. The bad news is we already have two kids.”
— Brian Kiley
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
— Charles Wadsworth
