Big Fish Ink

1. Good advice, or a warning not to have fish and small children around the house at the same time.

2. Of course, it does help to have the sharpest knife in the drawer connected to a skillful carver.

3. Like most porn, it’s better with butter.

4. No, this isn’t the box where they store the heads of House Republicans at night; it’s from Madame Tussaud’s wax museum, although the confusion is understandable.

5. I knew someone like this once: they could get a sunburn from a 150-watt bulb; a half-hour in the sun, even with lotion, painfully turned them into the main course at Red Lobster. Summer was not a pleasant season for them.

6. If we could get over our universal obsession with the instrument below, there might be some hope for the human race.